I stand at the epicentre, the pinnacle, a precipice, where only fear and awe could be combined to form a new emotion. It is like falling without moving, your heart beats but only to you know you are still alive. Even to jump would not end in death; so I do, it’s time to let go of this ledge I have held on to for so long.
The falling I felt before was only a hint of this terror, this thrill. I never want it to end, I fear its end, there is no land in sight, no wind in my face only pure adrenaline and excitement.
This will never end, I know that now, it’s the reason I never jumped before, why I never took that leap of faith into the unknown, when I do land I will need not fear any more. . . if I do land.
I just needed to be sure I would be safe, that I would land safely, or that I would not land at all; I have no idea what the coming moments will bring but I just know that here and now is all I ever want to feel.
Twists and swirls of blue and white whirl around me now, I am getting lost deeper into this unknown abyss, falling into a beautiful darkness. I feel calm, overwhelmingly so, it all falls away, everything. I can see myself–a captured moment of pure happiness–but it is not my own eyes, I can not look away from them. I am only the image on the inside.
Something grabs my hand, it’s warm, soft, soothing. I won’t let go, and I think it just saved my life, I realize all too soon that I was moments from hitting the end, smashing into the ground, the land I thought could not exist. I am secure. This warmth has me. I could never be hurt, I can not touch the earth. I will just float here in this grey-blue wonderland.
Suddenly the land shifts and I am moving closer to it, but I am not falling it is coming to me I am touching it, sliding down its smooth surface, so soft, so perfectly smooth, this is my new heaven that I never want to leave. My hand is not free from the warmth that has been holding me and I feel at ease more so than I could have ever imagined.
I am overjoyed that I chose this fate, that I took that leap, that I realized a view from above was not everything. You can’t see everything from so high up, falling into infinity is seeing life, true life, and it was all I was meant to see. The future shines now that I have my soft pillow and warm caress in this beautiful, perfect landscape.
Don’t let me slip away, I don’t want to fall from here.